I Didn’t Want to Be Broken, I Wanted to Be Whole: By Neriah

A lot of people I know who left religious backgrounds have suffered terrible mental health problems, including me. It’s fine when you believe you’re in the centre of God’s will and everything’s going according to plan. While that’s happening, religion seems to offer a mountaintop experience of knowing the mind of God. But when things go wrong, everything is your fault. Or, if you blame God, that makes you a sinner and a blasphemer. Which is your fault.

Homeschoolers Anonymous

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I Didn’t Want to Be Broken, I Wanted to Be Whole: By Neriah

HA notes: The author’s name has been changed to ensure anonymity. “Neriah” is a pseudonym.

It’s with excitement that I’ve read all the articles posted on Homeschoolers Anonymous — yet I could never figure out which experience of my own to write about.

Until the mental health week.

I was anorexic from about age twelve to thirteen — honestly, the months are blurry and I can’t handle going back and reading my journals from that time to get a more precise number.

But, safe to say, for about a year I starved myself.

I dropped from around one hundred pounds down to seventy-nine; my body began to shut down. My hair and nails suffered, and my period stopped.  When I look at pictures from that time, I’m shocked — my body is gaunt, my bones protrude out…

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About jonnyscaramanga

I grew up as a Christian fundamentalist in the UK. Now I am writing a book and blog about what that's like, and what fundamentalists believe.

Posted on October 15, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Thanks for the link to the blog. One person commented that some Christians believe that we need to be broken, yet be whole. A real contradiction. If only the Fundies understood how they damage a young mind. Development often gets frozen at the age where the person is just destroyed by his environment. I’m battling that myself in therapy. It’s so hard to get unfrozen. Words have meaning, and the shame, guilt, and anger get lodged inside our psyche hooked to a belief that there is something inherently wrong with us. Very disturbing.

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