I have a new favourite blog: Anaïs Chartschenko’s Whisper Collector. Like just about everything I recommend, it’s not fun reading, but she’s a belting writer and her story needs to be heard. She’s a former ACE home schooler and a rape survivor (although, as her blog shows, she is absolutely not a victim). I repost this with her permission.

English: Here is a half eaten donut from dunki...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I walked into the youth chapel at the church. Something was different: there was a box of donuts on a folding table in the center of the room. All of us descended on it eagerly. There were some kids who had such strict parents that they did not get to eat sugar. They were the most deflated. I stared into the box, taking in donut after donut- glazed, creme filled, maple bar- all varieties with one common theme. A big bite had been taken from each one. Dejected, we slumped in our chairs. No one was willing to risk eating a communal donut. We had all been warned about the dangers of sharing food a million times over. We did not want herpes from a donut, no sir. We were adept at going with out. We had already gone without dancing (the prom), learning science, eating meat, reading novels, watching movies, or any of the long list of things that were not allowed.

The youth pastor finally entered the room like a Vegas magician, so proud of his show. I could tell he was really revving up for this one. He looked around the room, then focused his eyes on me. “Once you are touched, no one will want you. No one will marry you. No one wants to eat a donut that someone else already took a bite from. They throw it away.”

The other kids looked at me curiously. If they did not know, now they did. I was the donut. I was touched, I was impure, and he knew it. I was raped by someone the guy knew, and here he was telling me God thought I was a disposable tissue now in front of everyone. He went on and on about the virtues of virginity while I had that sensation of being swallowed by the floor.

His words began to melt together. I got up, and left the chapel. I did not return. I think that was the last time I went to the church.

I grew up. I met people who did not think that being a virgin was a prerequisite for being a good person. I told myself a million times that the metaphor was boring and stupid, but still, at night I would dream of it. I would feel unworthy. I would remember what he said in painful detail, and how he looked right at me in a room of teenagers to say it. It felt staged just to point out to the holy kids that I was not.

It speaks to the education on abstinence. If someone loses their hymen, we need to believe they still are worthy. Virginity as a commodity is foolish, and makes vulnerable people more so out of the shame society levels on them. Who wants to raise their hand in the chapel to say they are the donut?

About jonnyscaramanga

I grew up as a Christian fundamentalist in the UK. Now I am writing a book and blog about what that's like, and what fundamentalists believe.

Posted on November 12, 2013, in Accelerated Christian Education, Atheism, Christianity, Fundamentalism and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. I’ve read some bad things done by Fundies in the name of love, but so far this is the worst thing I have ever read (aside from the sexual abuses). Just awful.

    • Anais Chartschenko

      The worst thing is, as I started opening up to other girls I found out quite a few of them were shamed in the same or similar ways. It is just part of the plan. Oh, we have another girl whining she was raped? Go to the bakery…

  2. You don’t get herpes from donuts, either, for the record and I personally would have torn off the bitten bit and eaten the rest of the donut. But that’s probably because I’m a horrible, ex-Christian non-Virgin LOL

  3. I don’t even know what to say. It’s all hindsight but I’m picturing her picking that donut up, walking up to him and stuffing it in his face.

  4. What ever happened to the SOB that raped her? Probably never prosecuted, after in these patriarchal groups it is always the woman’s fault!

  5. That is just awful that they put her through that . I will never understand people who are like that. They are sick.

  6. Bad people in good costumes doing evil things, and being protected by all around them who want the costume to be truth.
    What great writing!

  7. I’m glad I didn’t spend enough time in the ACE program to be exposed to incidious teachings such as this. Herpes from a donut someone took a bite out of?! Blaming the victim of a rape, rather than the rapist?! Viewing them as unclean… I’ve heard of that line of thinking before. In that culture, not only are you unclean, but often killed for causing the man to think immorally and fornicate with you. Everything about this is despicable. Stories like this make me wish for the ability to be able to show up at times like these and end the miserable piece of excrement’s existence.

  8. When I was in 7th grade, I attended a private Christian school. In our girls-only sex-ed class that year, the teacher one day brought a big, triple-layer chocolate cake. She gave us each a plastic fork, and walked around with the cake, letting us each eat a big forkful of cake. Then she went back up to the front of the classroom and said, “This cake looked really delicious when I first got here, didn’t it? But look at it now. It’s falling apart, crumbling all over the place. It looks disgusting. Nobody would want to eat it now, would they?”

    Then she said that this is what each one of girls would be like if we had sex with more than one guy. We would become just like that cake, disgusting and ugly, and nobody would want us.

    I would LOVE to tell every single perpetrator of this kind of horrific act of “teaching” that my husband, who grew up in the Islamic Republic of Iran, was told the exact same thing by his teachers and relatives. But at least they were being gender-equal about it! The boys sex-ed class didn’t get the cake analogy…

    I wonder how these conservative Christians would feel if they knew that fundamentalist Muslims in Iran use the same methods to shame their youth–only the Muslims were less sexist about it.

    Love your blog!


  9. This makes me feel so angry. What an evil man and what an evil system. You showed amazing courage in getting out and getting on with your life. I wish you all the best.

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